His first school pictures...

I have been chomping at the bit for two weeks to see Teamir's first school pictures. All of these Teamir firsts are also mommy first so I am a bit of a goober. A week ago he brought home this pumpkin picture...it was his first official artwork and is now framed on the wall in our hallway. His teacher informs me that his class is currently working on a turkey - hand print, feathers, the whole nine yards - I am sooooo excited.

What a great time of year.

Peace

So I missed a day -

I am not even sure what I am signing on for - something like 30 blog posts in 30 days in November. Can someone enlighten me? I like the challenge even though I am not sure what it is - perhaps I will google.

This weekend was the final band competition for Rosie - my 17 year old step daughter and sissy extraordinaire to Teamir. He has become quite the trooper. Yes babies rule, but when you are the baby brother to a senior, you spend many hours going from place to place making sure the year really counts. Friday night, we stood with Rosie on the football field at the last home game (senior night). She has grown up so fast. I met her when she was 7. We were awarded custody when she was 12 - I blinked and here we are. I am proud of her.

I have two more weeks before I change jobs. I will still be in the same field, but will be working 25 minutes closer to home and working 4 days...I had a yearning for more mommy time with Teamir and was in the right place at the right time.

Not much more to say except I love the blog community and Gladney family. Who knew that when we traveled to Ethiopia to meet Teamir that we meet people wh would come to mean a lot to us in sharing this journey. We are so happy that the family with whom we shared the Ayat #2 will be coming to our home for Thanksgiving. Three children will be celebrating their first thanksgiving at our home but I am the thankful one, for friends, for answered prayers and for Teamir.

Peace

Time flies....

Since we have last posted, we had our 3 month post placement, survived 80% of another marching band season, have kept being knocked down with strep, h1n1, sinus, cough, cold and I have gone back to work which was a devastating blow for mommy. Teamir is assimilating to daycare and actually thriving. He will be 15 months next week. He is on the cusp of walking...we are not quite there yet. He does not have any words although he babbles constantly and is zoning in on the meaning of mama, calls his cow "goo goo" because we said it says moo, and calls bananas "MMMMMMM". He know that our dog is our dog...."where's doggie?"...knows a ball is a ball "where's ball" - doesn't know daddy or mommy yet...am I crushed? Nope. Realistically, I would say T is lagging a little behind but there is a fire of curiosity in his soul...he will most likely catch up. I may check with early intervention in the next couple of months. I am speech language pathologist and talk to him constantly - perhaps his first words will be "shut up, mom". His height and weight are still WAY off the chart but a measurement we have been very private about it cruising nicely onto the chart - head circumference has gone from off the chart to 10th percentile. I love him more and more each day as if that is possible and in watching home movies of our trip (four months have passed) the difference in attachment is phenomenal. Another thing we have not blogged about much is his foot. He has a mild postural clubfoot upon referral. Gladney rocked in terms of seeking treatment for it and it is almost entirely corrected - he wears a brace at night to correct his foot position. Teamir is my heart and my joy.

We are on the cusp of starting paperchase #2 for his younger sibling. I am enjoying motherhood muchly.

Life is grand!

Peace

Important public safety announcement -*smile*

I have very few "been there, done that" travel tips and greatly admire those who do but here is one that most everyone is intelligent enough to know already.


During the entire process from application, to dossier submission, to waitlist, I never figured out the correct time to get vaccinations. It was on my list. I knew it had to be done, but I never knew when to jump in and do it. Court dates got closer to referral dates and well, we travelled with nothing but tetanus and meningitis. I had the first Hep A 1 week before travel but the rest of my family had appointments 2 days before travel so they and the health department bagged it.

Now before you judge me harshly - I follow through on everything in life, at the very least, out of paranoia - the timing of "when" threw me off and I didn't know who to ask.

Flash forward about 30 days after our return. What a month it had been - stomach stuff, pink eye, bad backs, summer visitation, orthopedic and orthotic appts, baby strep....well 30 days goes by very quickly in those circumstances.

Dave started feeling very fatigued - bone tired. He would start out at work and then feel like he couldn't do another thing. He went to the MD with that as his only symptom and got dx'ed with flu because of his white count. The next day (a Friday) he got so sick and couldn't keep anything down. Through the weekend we thought it was a 24 or 48 hour thing. Maybe unrelated food poisoning from a lunch served at a retirement he had shot. By Monday the fatigue was worse and the inability to keep anything down had persisted. He called for another appt and they gave him one concurrent with T's 12 month check up. When we went outside, his first time in 5 days, he looked like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I always thought jaundice was subjective and difficult to tell....er no. He was yellow from head to toe. Blood tests confirmed something that could have been prevented had he been innoculated. He is finally on the mend with no long term effects. I have never seen him that sick and he has reportedly never been that sick. According to him, the true indicator is he has not had his typical daily pot of coffee (pot not cup - sometimes 2 pots) for 10 days. This is a man who would take coffee over shelter on a desert island. The illness was rough on him and the entire family - the well oiled machine was pretty squeaky.

So with that...

Get your shots - I would suggest getting them when you get on waitlist. Or at the very least at time of referral. We intended to, we budgeted to, we had appointments to - but were told essentially we had waited too late.

We are probably the only bozos who have dropped the ball in this regard. Maybe not - don't be the next.

Peace

He's had quite a year....

Those were the words Dave said to me on Friday when I was making plans for Teamir's first birthday. The floodgates opened.

Dave had no idea what he said but the tears have been flowing almost daily since then. My precious son has had quite a year. One that no one deserves. Brought into this world one day before Dave and I got on waitlist, he has encountered loss, illness, feet braces he did not understand, 3 languages, at least 5 primary caregivers, several houses, 3 landscapes, 3 climates, 2 countries, hunger...my heart brims with pain for what he has endured. The culmination of a dream of motherhood has brought me together with my most precious child who has shown strength and has been stripped of so much. My tears flow in gratitude to God for this precious gift and for how I wish the baby asleep in the next room did not have to go through any of this. I love him - I would fight to the end for him - I would go momma bear on anyone in a heartbeat if anyone tried to hurt him.

He turns 1 today - yes, he's had quite a year. I hope this year is not quite the same kind of year. Our celebration is meager. We ordered an Ethiopian flag cake. Dave has been battling the flu for a week so the trip to my parents to blow out that ever important 1st candle is not going to happen, which also makes my heart ache. First birthdays are milestones - one that I actually had asked God for...one of the only things I wanted in all of this journey was a 1st birthday. Silly, I know, but God gave me the desire of my heart. First birthdays fill photo albums and the child sees how vaued they were and are...Teamir will surely know this other ways but this momma wants to cry because days are important to me. We will save the cake for another day, another plan and take some pictures. To him it won't make a difference but to me it isn't the same.

Two amazing events - profound and lovely for his birthday...

Today we received his resident alien card in the mail - Happy birthday, T man...you can stay.

We also received in the mail today, a gift from someone who sided with Dave's ex in the divorce a decade ago and has stayed firmly planted on that side up until 2 years ago. A lot of beautiful stuff going on.

I have learned a lot about my son in the past 42 days.

His smile melts my heart.
His cry breaks my heart.
He loves to bang on things.
He has gone from aquaphobic to loving bath time complete with his pink duck.
He is attaching a bit more each day - he will even lay his head on my shoulder briefly starting this week.
He has learned to crawl like a madman.
He likes breyer's ice cream.
He also likes to eat ice cream cones - the cone.
His foot is not as bad as we thought but will have to wear some magic shoes for a while.
He hates magic shoes.
He can play peek a boo
He has learned to throw his stuffed animals and binky out of his crib to get my attention.
He makes me want to go back for a sibling.
Pretty much the only photographer he smiles for is daddy.
He is tiny.
He loves to feed himself with a spoon - not much makes it in.
He is not much for car riding.
He is the absolute perfect match/perfect fit for my family and I can see why the journey had to be this long so that Teamir could be in my life.

There is so much more that is hard to articulate. I will never understand why I was not chosen to give birth to children, but the sharp pain of infertility is virtually forgotten. There are aspects of the pregnancy birth process I still could be sad about but I cannot imagine, ever, ever, ever loving a child more than Teamir. The whole journey has been like a laboring process or like Sisyphus rolling the rock up the hill over and over only to have it roll back down...I finally reached the mountain top. I am healed.

Happy birthday, little T. We hope you like the fisher price farm! We'll also break out the Elmo bubble blower given by our resident notary and friend, maryann. We love you so much.

Peace

First tooth and first birthday

Tomorrow is Teamir's 1st birthday and Iam going to post a longer entry. So much I want to say with so much emotion.

Teamir got his 1st tooth on Friday at the age of 362 days.

Yesterday, I took him to the JC Penney studio for 1st birthday pictures dangerously close to nap time and a 1 hour drive. I know Dave is a photographer but I wanted the props - the cake, the one, the letters that spell one. I brought his traditional outfit and the alligator outfit I referenced earlier on in my blogging. I also brought beads that his great aunt gave to me for him.

This is an emotional time for me...more on that later but for now, a photo or two.

Peace

39 and holding

Yesterday was my birthday. Each year, that particular day has met with increasing anxiety and sadness as the likelihood of me becoming a mother seemed to be slipping away. I always took an informal inventory of what had been accomplished in this life and what I had not achieved. Years of detours, infertility, custody changes, dead ends in adoption, all culiminating in God placing me in the perfect country with the perfect child for our family. Looking back, I can see His plan, His preparation of me and our family, but in the moment it hurt and it hurt bad.

I turned 39 yesterday and had the most delicious day of feeding and bathing and changing and playing and singing with T. I took some photos in the front yard of him in a chair that was my 74 year old mother's as an infant. I breathed in fresh air and fresh hope that God had indeed not forgotten me or punished me or hated me as I so long ago had convinced myself.

Dave - wonderful saint that he is - brought home a gift at lunch time. He handed me a bag and said, "just another Willow Tree - I had no inspiration". I opened it and around the Willow Tree figurine of a mother and child hung a mother's ring on a ribbon. He gets me and it and the pain and the years of sadness and the culmination in the most beautiful difficult thing I have ever taken on.

The tag with the Willow Tree said it all:

Child of my Heart

Child of the world,

Into my heart you came -

Bringing sun into my life,

Making family our name.

I am a new person - I approach 40 with a different outlook. I am a mom.

Peace